Second guessing.

A few days have now passed since the ‘catch-up’ meeting with our social worker Rachel. All-sorts run through my mind.
Did we show enough excitement when we were told about the links? Surely Rachel saw the excitement on our faces. Me and Jonny looked at each other with a huge smile when we were told about the link requests, did Rachel see or was she busy typing on her laptop at the time?

These bizarre thoughts are a typical example of how we taunt ourselves after every visit we have from our social worker.
The self-inflicted taunts don’t hold much sway over reason since Rachel became our social worker. When we meet with Rachel, we feel far more at ease than we did with previous social workers.

With our first social worker we would speak openly and honestly, feeling pretty confident that our story was received and understood correctly. She was always very pleasant which helped us feel at ease.
However, towards the end of stage one we began to realise everything was not as it seemed. Our words had been twisted, distorted to create a version of events that simply did not match reality. We later discovered in stage two of the process that this created a negative picture of me & Jonny.
The second social worker (Carol) had came to us after our break in the process. She appeared very knowledgeable, straight forward and determined to get us back on track with our adoption journey. The down side to the this was Jonny and I felt Carol wasn’t as friendly, which made it difficult for us to open up. We were repeating stage one again  (which the first social worker had told us we wouldn’t have to do ) and loosing faith in Kirklees Permenant Placement Team. We started to second guess everything we said and did. Were our answers to questions from Carol being recorded properly this time? Did we miss out anything important? Is our story being well received? We couldn’t gauge her out!
Sadly for Carol, she broke her arm and we were then assigned a different  social worker (Rachel).
Rachel has worked incredibly hard to get to know us, having to take down walls that we built after working with our previous social workers. Rachel has been honest and reliable, letting us know our strengths, but more importantly pointing out the weaknesses in our PAR. This enabled us to work together to overcome any weaknesses. It was great.
What a difference having the right social worker has made. Though this hasn’t stopped us second guessing everything, it is only for a short blip. After all…..we’re on this journey for our own little family, our future, our dream.



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